On The Grand Slam Hustle

I suppose after selling my soul to Denny's for a cheap wage, then selling the remnants of it to Pizza Hut for a shittier wage, I have become a slave to the dollar; which I suppose I always have been. Life can seem like it bears down on us at times; for me it has been a rough last few months. I have found some solace in knowing that I have my friends to fall back to, but in the last few months, I have slowly been watching the friends I have made here move away. This definitely bums me out, but at the same time it makes me happy because ultimately that's what we always want for our friends and the people that touch our lives, success and happiness. As much as that happiness for my friends and their success makes me feel good, it is almost instantaneously counteracted by the impending loneliness that is slowly settling in.

There are those days when my friends all seem to have something previously going on, or the days when I sell my soul for my pitiful wage for a sixteen hour stretch that kills my day, when I walk into my apartment to meet just the cold air because my landlord still hasn't fixed the furnace. Those nights are the ones that suck the most... the nights when I don't have anything to really anchor my mind down and keep it from wandering to the places where I try so hard day in and day out to prevent it from wandering. I suppose the simple fact of the matter is that there are things in life that we don't want to remember, and if we had the chance a lot of the time most of us would instantly go back and change whatever that detail may be. Any of my friends that know me well enough know that I am in some ways, damaged. I have experienced a lot of pain and suffering in my lifetime, as short as it is so far. I've buried family, and friends; fallen in love then felt the vicious sting when it all fell to pieces. I remember that these things are part of what has molded me into the man that I am today. Typically, that realization would put my mind at ease; but then it didn't, because it was no longer the past that was bearing down on my thoughts, it was the present and the future, not knowing what will come or where things may lead; not knowing if I will find that person that I'm looking for. Most days I can do little more than hope that maybe, just maybe this day will be the day that the "dare to be great" moment will come, and I will meet the girl I've been waiting on for what seems to be an eternity.

I digress, because you can't go search for love, you just have to be ready to try and recognize it when it shows up knocking on your head asking if anyone's home in there. The horizon looks promising, plans have been laid, ideas thought up, shenanigans planned, and dreams dreamed. Will the future carry me there? No freakin' idea, but I like to think that regardless of what I do, if I set my mind to it and stay on point, I can do it. If this works out, who knows what I'll do, might even bring deliciousness to the people of MC - shush, it's a secret!'
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I suppose the point that I am trying to take from this session is that there really isn't any need to worry about who you will end up with, where you will end up, what you will be doing. In the end you will end up where you belong, with who you belong with, doing what you were meant to do; obviously that doesn't mean that I advocate doing nothing and blowing off the signs of life, but rather take a more cavalier approach to it, and try to enjoy every bit of life you can soak up, you only get one shot, make it count, and do it your way.