Turbulence

Life is turbulent - it will rock you when you least expect it, once it has rocked you once and it makes you nervous, each subsequent shake seems worse than the last. When we're flying and hit some turbulence, we just remind ourselves that it will be over soon enough, but a few bumpy hours pale in comparison to the turbulence of day to day life.

A week ago, my aunt lost her five year battle with throat cancer at the age of 51. While mourning and grieving the loss of my aunt, I feel bad to admit it, but my mind was not with her. My mind was instead locked on my own mother, who is now in her eighth year battling Multiple Myeloma. My mother is only a few years younger than my late aunt was - and all my brain seemed to be locked in on was thinking about how much time I may have left with my mother.

I haven't had it entirely rough, but things have never really been easy. My father, while I love him to death, has scarcely ever been around, especially when I needed him the most. My mother was my rock growing up, and remains to be to this day. For eight years I have pondered what it will mean to lose her, how I will cope; and to this day the answer remains the same; I have no idea how my life will change, and I don't think I'll find a way to cope until I'm forced to deal with the harsh reality that is the death of those closest to us.

My aunt's passing, my mother's health, my father's apparent indifference; all big turbulent shakes - but the small ones that come between those hitting me full force make them even harder to deal with. I've dealt with things by burying myself in something else, work, cleaning, games, sports, reading, anything really that allows me to forget about life and find some peace of mind, even if only temporary.

Work has become draining, my firm laid off multiple people, which meant longer and harder hours every day - between my main job and second job, it's not uncommon to hit 65-70 hours each week, and let's be honest, I'm just tired. Add in to the long hours and the rough days a haphazard and partially competent team around me; and a whimsical supervisor who jumps from one snap judgement or decision to the next like he's playing hopscotch, and it's nearly enough to cause me to snap.

The key for me is trying to find a balance between the turbulence and normalcy; whether that means a harder workout to exert the stress and anger that I seem to be accumulating at a more rapid than normal pace, or meditating before I go to sleep each night (has actually helped quite a bit), finding the balance has proven to be harder than I'd like, and has caused me to over compensate on either side more than once, which means things have slipped. One of my best outlets for understanding myself and how to process things remains writing it out. This blog has served as a target for raw emotion and reflection for years now, and every time I surge in how many posts I am writing, tends to correlate with an overall better mood.

Enough writing for now however... until next time,
Tut

Being Grateful... More often...

BlogNation!

I think life tends to get rolling so fast sometimes that we miss the stop to really appreciate and be grateful for what we have; I'm certainly guilty of this. Stepping back to reflect on the positive influences in your life is not always easy, but it is immensely rewarding, and truly allows you to find clarity with regards to the things that matter, and those that could fall to the wayside without really hurting you... I'm going to come up with three things I am grateful for each day, in hopes that this self-reflection will allow me to find a bit more peace and guidance through the day to day rigmarole of life.

1. My job. There are plenty of people out there without a job, that struggle to provide for themselves because they can't find good work. I often find myself bitching about my job, either I'm busy, someone has done something that irritated me, or I'm just malcontent for some other reason - rather than seeing it as the blessing it truly is.

2. My family. This one seems a bit cookie cutter, but my family is truly the rock that I can build upon. It seems no matter how much I may screw up, they are always right there behind me to help push me up; the same as I am for them.

3. My friends. I've been blessed to have some of hte best friends a guy could ask for. I've had a few of them for a quarter of a century now; that's not something you find anywhere. It wouldn't matter if it was 3:00a or 7:00p; if I was here or anywhere else, I know that I could count on them any time - as they can count on me.


So the first three were cookie cutter and obvious - but I'll quote a post from a friend of mine:
"What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today"

I pray every day before I go to bed, including thanking God for my blessings; though even if you weren't religious, this quote can have stark value... Take God out of the quote even, "What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today"

Food for thought,

-Tut

SOPA - The End of the Internet As We Know It

Been a while, but I won't waste time with semantics; because there is legislation in the works that will undo the idea of the internet as we know it now, and replace it with something that could be seen as a shell of the former digital universe that the web is now.

The Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) aims to stop piracy. It will succeed in that fashion, but given the extremely broad definitions within the legislation, let me tell you what other costly, unacceptable side effects will come along with it.

Any website that is accused of streaming or providing a link to content that is believed to be guilty of copyright infringement will can be taken down - what does this mean? This means the end of YouTube as we know it. Wikipedia, a site that any student has gone to at some point in their collegiate career, simply for providing a link to information regarding piracy and sites that had been associated, would be eligible to be taken down.

This legislation would also hold liable not only the user guilty of piracy, but the site they are believe to have gotten the information from, as well as the service provider that allowed the site to be accessed. Let's break this down a bit, we'll start with the service providers.

This will mean that service providers would be held responsible for any and ALL websites that they allow their subscribers to access. Meaning that ISPs would become responsible for monitoring every single web page that they allow us folks to access, what does that mean on the back end though? It means that the cost of doing business for every ISP in the country would sky rocket... and let me ask you, who do you think will be footing that ridiculous bill? You got it, you, me, and every internet subscriber, and we aren't talking a small rate hike here folks... think about what would be required to actively monitor EVERY site that people are allowed to access... Pissed off yet?

Now let's go over the liability of the website... We'll use YouTube for an example. YouTube would become required to inspect EVERY link, video, or submission - and anything that the copyright holder (the artist or label) claims is copyright infringement, would become disallowed. YouTube would essentially stop functioning, because what is YouTube full of, videos, lyrical song displays, video clips, etc; meaning that if Joe Shmoe in Kentucky throws decides to post his favorite new song, add some lyrics and dedicate it to Bobbi Jo; YouTube would be liable for that copy right infringement, and under SOPA, would be eligible to be taken down.

Finally on to the end user. Poor Joe Shmoe just thought he was being sweet and posting a ballad of sorts to his love; now he's being prosecuted by the federal government for copyright infringement - bad day for Joe Shmoe.

Now... should the artist or label make a claim that something is copyright infringement, and a court decides in Joe's favor, that artist and label would be responsible for all damages Joe incurred - but let's be honest, when was the last time that the little guy won in a case like that?

This act may have been born in the best of intentions with stopping piracy... but due to the incredible broadness of the legislation itself, this bill is poised to allow massive levels of control by the government.

Protect the free flow of information and access to the internet - contact your representatives in Washington and tell them where they should shove this legislation...

Can a brotha get a boo yah?

Life is good - plenty of rough lately, but the good seems to be shining through brighter than normal, and it feels good... Big things to come, the construction of the empire is underway and rolling on in good order - excited to get on the express ride to the top!

Stay classy, tip your waitresses - get it while ya can - life is too short...

† RIP † Jesse - You'll never be forgotten, only lovingly remembered - I'll see you again buddy

Making Changes... Win?

- Quit smoking cigarettes... it's a big step for me - proud of it.
- Going to the gym four times a week. Goal: be under 200lbs for WE Fest next year. Will not fail.
- Cutting back on my time with Mary, she's a bit of a wildcard, I need to keep focused (of course I don't think I'll ever leave her completely)
- Nearly completely out of debt - want a house... more than anything else... my own house.
- Almost to six months at CaDan - awesome finally having a job I love going to every day.

Hmm...

So I read an article on CNN today, and it has me thinking. The topic? Have whites become a minority?

My opinion; yes. Now, I am not racist, I hate stupid people, regardless what color they may be. However it has come to my attention the the Christian white male has in some ways become oppressed by our society. If I go out, and get into a fight, and beat up a fellow white person, it's assault; but if the target of my assault is of any different ethnicity, it becomes a hate crime. When I enrolled in college, there are grants and scholarships that I automatically cannot qualify for because they are specifically for 'minorities'. Employers are put under the same restrictions with EoE, say I apply for a job, I may even be more qualified, but if the employer needs to hire minority groups to comply with EoE, I lose out. There are instances nationwide where the christian white male has become the last in line, and the first to fall under attack for exclusivity. At most colleges; there are clubs for different minority groups; what would the reaction be if I wanted to start a Whites Only group or club? I doubt that it would fly, in fact there are some schools where the sheer proposition of a whites only group may result in disciplinary action.

More to come later... maybe... writing at work, maybe not the greatest idea...

Certifiable

The mission to graduation got a step shorter, another one of the five Microsoft Certification exams is checked off the list! 783/800, so I'm pretty excited about it! Still Facebook free... and I think maybe things are working out the way I hoped...